I saw this thing on Tiktok recently where it spoke about not forcing things and going with the flow. Yes, I have reached the point where I am now going to Tiktok for spiritual advice. I also love the ones where they tell me my angel in heaven with the name beginning with X is very proud of me. Jokes aside, if life has taught me anything (and frankly it hasn’t taught me much, I seem to be dumber than ever), it has shown me that there is no point chasing after something. If it’s meant for you it will come to you (Chasing Marian is the exception here. We chased Marian and we found her.) And that applies to people as well as work.
I had a friend we shall call Fern. No, that is not her name, I looked out of the window and saw a fern – this is a step up from naming characters after my pets/dead relatives. Now I thought Fern and I had a pretty good relationship, we used to enjoy gossiping with each other, we always had each other’s backs and we did pretty good work together. But something happened and Fern suddenly became distant, I was the one who had to arrange for drinks, I was the one who messaged her, I was the one who charged around there with chicken soup when she was ill.
Basically, I was the one doing all the running and she was making sweet FA effort.
Then, not only was she making no effort, but Fern began being very offish to me, to the point that she would put me down in meetings. At first, I felt hurt and I became like a pathetic puppy dog, trying desperately to get Fern to like me, and then I reminded myself of my mantra: “you cannot make someone love you or want to spend time with you.” I am a bit slow and a chronic people-pleaser so it took me a while to recognise it, but Fern was just not that into me, dear reader. And you know what, that’s okay.
BUT this did mean that I had to wipe the word WELCOME off my forehead (who’m I kidding, it’s a tattoo) and stop being available when Fern needed something. This was not about being mean, it was about boundaries. PSA: the more bitter and twisted you are over a friendship or lover that has let you down, the more of a hold they have over you, so you want to release that shit tout de suite. I do a meditation where I send them the white light. No. Not to zap them and hope they shrivel up and die (although if this happens, it happens), to release them with love from my life. It seriously does work, try it.
This pandemic and all the shit going down on a daily basis in SA (hiiiiii Eskom, here’s looking at you, you beautiful f*ck-up) has been a GIGANTIC lesson in non-attachment and life-is-too-bloody-short-don’t-waste-it. I now only really want to work on projects that I like, with people I respect. I have no time for assholes. Pre-rona, I would hang on to work with both hands even if it was with people who wiped their feet on that WELCOME sign on my forehead twice a day. Now, I’m at the point where I release them to the universe. Sometimes in the manner of George Clooney in Gravity where they drift out to space and die, but ja, at least they’re gone.
Film/TV/book recommendations: I had been waiting very eagerly for Anatomy of a Scandal on Netflix so I was not happy when I saw some less-than-glowing reviews about it including a rather odd one in The Guardian which kinda missed the point for me(for the record I love the line, “Where the f*ck are you, darling man?”) The series is based on one of my fave psych thrillers that deals with the issue of consent within the British political elite. Did he or did he not rape her, is the dramatic question of the show. I did find the first ep a bit of a slow-burner but I’m glad I persevered as I thoroughly enjoyed the series and binged it all on Easter Saturday along with an obscene amount of hot cross buns.
It’s been at number 1 on Netflix across the world which made me absolutely thrilled for the author, Sarah Vaughan and for the cast and crew. The casting of Sienna Miller, Michelle Dockery and Rupert Friend was INSPIRED and the acting and direction were also pretty fab. I think the critics got this one very wrong, watch the series AND read the book.
Aside: does Rupert Friend not look like Orlando Bloom’s brother?
In the spirit of ignoring the critics, we then tried to watch The Bubble on Netflix and really wished that we hadn’t. It was made by the Judd Apatow/Leslie Mann crew and is about a bunch of actors trying to make a movie during lockdown. The beginning bit showed promise and there are some great lines in it but overall it felt rushed and we couldn’t finish it. Great idea, didn’t quite work.
One movie I did love is The Adam Project. I do not care if Ryan Reynolds plays himself again, because he does it so well. The man is HILARIOUS. Fabulous cast including Jennifer Garner, Catherine Keener, Zoe Saldana and Mark Ruffalo and a swashbuckling storyline about time travel and meeting your younger self. It’s funny and heartwarming and the perfect Sunday night movie when you’ve got that horrible back-to-school feeling.
Book-wise, I gobbled up YA thriller, One of Us Is Lying by Karen McManus (thank you to lovely Helen Holyoake and Exclusive Books for my copy). A group of teens are sent to detention, one of them has an allergic reaction and doesn’t make it and the others become suspects in his demise. I found it very compelling and decided to try and watch the series on Netflix. Alas, dear reader, I kept falling asleep during the episodes which I took as a sign and abandoned it. However, perhaps youngsters will enjoy it? I highly recommend the book, read it yourself and pass it on to your teen.
Let’s recap what we’ve learnt during this blog:
- You can’t make someone love you
- Send the white light and release the mean people to the universe
- If the white light kills them, so be it
- The critics are not always right
- You only need one asshole in your life and that’s your own
- Don’t force things, they will come to you when they’re ready
This obvs doesn’t mean you can sit on your ass for the rest of your life waiting for everything to come to you, but it does mean that you should not bang your head on a brick wall when there’s an open door behind you. Yes, I saw that on Tiktok. Also, your angel is watching over you and is proud of you. Happy reading and Happy World Book Day! xxx